Dear American Populace,
As a 21-year-old female living in the Midwest, slightly overweight but making up for it in creativity, intelligence and humor, I am entirely sick of reading posts online that "Real men love women with curves" or "real women have curves" or "real men eat meat"--you get the drift. Society's concept of "Real people" is so far off the mark that it's frankly disturbing.
Women and men come in all shapes and sizes. Genetics plus lifestyle equal an incredibly vast collection of body types, and there is beauty in the body of every person. Whether or not we see it individually is entirely arbitrary. We are conditioned to look toward persons in the media like Taylor Swift or Hayley Williams, Paris Hilton or Emma Watson--Tom Hiddleston or Justin Timberlake, Josh Hutcherson or David Tennant--and define our concept of beauty in the exact terms of what these men and women look like. In the end, regardless of whom a person happens to find attachment, the ideals are the same: thin, thick voluminous hair, muscular, tall, elegant, poised, etc. The problem is that, in this era, at least 50-60% of the American population doesn't even come close to looking this way. Most of us consume a bit too much candy, junk food, soda, etc. and we end up with a bit of extra padding around the softer places of our bodies. Lord knows I have some.
But you know what? You don't have to be built to be attractive. You don't have to be tall, or thin, or blond, or brunette, or elegant. (Elegance helps, but that can be learned to a certain degree.) You just have to be you. My boyfriend has an oval face with "chinstrap" facial hair (I believe that's the correct term for it, anyway) and is approximately 5 inches taller than me. He used to be quite built/rugged, but in the past couple of years he's put on a bit of extra weight and although he's ashamed of it because he remembers how he used to look, I love it because it's part of what makes him who he is. At 5'7" and 183 lbs (when I checked the scale last; and let's not talk about Thanksgiving, okay?), I've obviously got a bit of extra cushion around the middle; my thighs are a bit rounder than they need to be. I have a heart shaped face, and hooded eyelids. My hair is very fine and unruly, and a couple years ago I chopped it all off. I've fought with my self-image my entire life because growing up, I was always the fat kid while my brothers were both super skinny. When I look in the mirror, I don't see my features so much as I see an entire lifetime of struggles with depression, anxiety and anger issues; I see years of social torment and oppression; I see every mistake I've ever made.
But when people look at me? That isn't what they see. They see my outside, unmarred by my tumultuous psyche. They see my face, not my past. This is what people see when they look at you. Your face, not your breakfast. Your body, not your exhaustive workout regiment. You. And yeah, once you start getting to know people, your brain starts re-interpreting those features, but only insofar as you see them. Nice people grow more attractive; you begin to find physical faults in assholes. It's human nature.
But what I want you to take out of this is that you are beautiful for existing, for being you, for being alive. You are beautiful for the decisions you make and the lives you change. You don't have to diet to be beautiful. You don't have to work out to be beautiful. You don't have to be tall or short or eat bacon or not eat bacon or like women with curves or headboop cats (although I'll admit the latter probably helps, haha). You just are what you are, and that should be enough.
Never stop striving to be better than the person you were yesterday. Everybody else can fall away, but at the end of the day you're the one you have to sleep with at night. And that's a really strong incentive to find the motivation to do whatever it is that you need to do to be happy. Go to college, read a book, see a therapist, hug a friend, call your mom, pet your dog, go for a run, eat some fucking chocolate! That's all it takes.
Because there isn't a single individual on this planet who doesn't deserve to be loved and treated like they're extraordinary. You are extraordinary, even if you don't know how to see it yet. I believe in you. Now you go out into this world and you believe in you. Because once you do, you'll make others.
